Introvert dating sounds like a contradiction. As an introvert, dating was a challenge. About a decade ago I saw my friends going out on dates constantly and seldom with the same person. It was a train of dates one after another. Just the thought of it would make me exhausted.
In the beginning I tried to go on as many dates as possible. But these dates did not go very well.
The first dates were especially difficult. It was all chitchat and getting to know each other small talk and that was exhausting.
After the dates I felt like dating and relations were a mine field and I had stepped on a mine that has blown me into a thousand pieces and I could never gather those pieces.
An Introvert dating is like an amateur soldier crossing a mine field. The situation has every potential of blowing up on your face. It is a total drain on an introvert personality.
Even when we find someone we like. We show them that we like them but somehow our signal seem to get lost in the oblivion. As an Introvert dating we face certain hurdles which are exclusive to us and anyone who is dating an introvert should know.
Introvert Dating- What we do and don’t do
We want to talk to you but our introverted nature is holding us back:
When I see someone I am interested in I want to go and talk to them, I want to tell them that I like them. I play in my mind one hundred scenarios where I walk up to them and talk to them. But that’s all in my head I could never walk up to them and start a conversation.
Even if I would walk up to them I can never start a conversation. And even If I did my small talk skills are equal to that of a three year old. I could never hold a conversation on things like the weather or the game.
So if you are out there and see someone looking at you over, you see that happen multiple times that’s probably an introvert who likes you. Walk over and talk to them. By doing that you would be talking a huge load off of us and hey you might like each other.
We value the connection between two people:
Being an introvert out in the dating world we understand this may not the ground we are strongest at, but we are deeply wired to seek meaning in everything. For us everything ought to have a meaning, the coffee we are drinking, the book we are reading, the place we are going to everything seems more fulfilling to us if it has a deeper meaning.
As an Introvert in the dating world I am not worried if the other person is doing the right things, saying the right words or doing funny things with perfect comic timing.
We are just looking for the real you. Tell us where you come from about the house you lived in the trees you climbed. We feel a deep connect when you share your world with us. It is this connection we crave and not the mundane chitchat.
Give us some time:
As an introvert I need time to be comfortable with people, before I can be myself with them. Sometimes I may need a day or two sometimes a week sometimes it may be months. There is no way to tell. If I am not comfortable with a person within a few meets then I probably never will be.
But once we are comfortable with you. You will get to see a side of us that you have never expected. Our funny, quirky, caring side comes out in all its glory.
So while dating an Introvert Please give us some time to become comfortable with you and open up to you. And soon you will see a whole new side of us.
We might want to go home early, that does not mean we are not Interested in You!
Once I was at a friend’s birthday party. It was one of those loud and crowned parties where there are people covering every inch of the floor and there is nowhere an Introvert like me could hide. I was feeling lost until I found this girl whom a really liked. As the rooms were crowded we went outside for a bit and got to know each other, it was fun.
It was amazing spending time with her until my social energy ran out. I felt like I needed to go home. We exchanged our numbers and I left. A few days later I texted her, her reply shocked me. She said “I thought you didn’t like me”. I asked her why? She said “We were having a good time but you left early”.
This came as a bit of shocker to me. I never thought my leaving early could change someone’s perception.
As an introvert it’s hard for me to go to loud and crowded places and we want to leave as early as possible. If you are dating an introvert, understand this, we like your company. It’s the place and setting that we are not comfortable with. In a quite one to one environment we can spend much more time then at a loud party.
We are not party Animals:
While extroverts like to party, introverts like to chill at home. We don’t want to go at every party that we are invited to, that is in our essential nature. We seek distance from social interactions.
However We can be social but in limited quantity.
So if you are dating an Introvert don’t expect us to be with you at every party. If you drag your introvert partner to a lot of parties then it’s a drain on them and they will hate you for that.
So while you attend all the parties let your introvert partner chill at home your dating life will be as rosy as a bed of roses.
We can’t find our way with words:
We introverts are known as the quite ones and there is reason behind that. Words come hard to us. Unlike extroverts who seem to conjure words from their tip of their tongue. We Introverts have to pull words out from the depths of our brains. And when words do come out they are not as refined as they sound in our minds.
If you are dating an Introvert you would notice we sometimes come up with very short replies. As a result you may think we are not interested in the conversation but it is not the case. We are interested and involved the conversation but when time comes to speak it takes a little bit more time for us to arrange the swirling thoughts in our minds into cohesive words.
So while you may want our opinion on a certain thing, we might need a little time to think about it and give our opinion.
We prefer Brains to Brawns:
If you have ever heard that the Introverts are also intellectual by nature, you have heard right. We love things that’s stimulate the intellectual side. On a date if you can have intellectual conversation with an introvert, they will be head over heels for you.
In the dating world Intellectual conversations are not the norm. But if you are dating an introvert an intellectual conversation or a visit to an intellectual place like a museum or art gallery trumps going to a high-end restaurant.
So the next time you are on a date with an introvert and they want to go an art gallery, go with them and they will love you for it.
We do the Disappearing Act sometimes:
Dating can be exhausting even for non introverts. As Introverts we tend to get exhausted rapidly when we have started dating a new person. we sometimes hide from the world and forget all about the environment around us, immerse ourselves doing the things we love. This is how we recharge our batteries.
If you are dating an introvert and you haven’t heard from them the next day after a date night. Don’t worry they just might be sitting at home recharging. You will surely hear from them as soon as they have replenished their energies. And when they meet you the next time they will surely notice that they appreciate you giving them space to be themselves.
We have our own Unique Battles:
We introverts sometimes struggle with things which may seem like a non-issue for others. I struggle with staying at hotels, for me staying at a new place is a challenge. As kid when I went a vacations with my parents, I used to spend entire lying wide awake on my bed because I couldn’t sleep in a new place.
Even as an adult I struggle to sleep in hotel rooms. It’s perhaps the newness of the environment or the fact that it’s an environment which I can’t control which seems to be overwhelming for me.
So if you are dating an introvert, try and understand them. If they are reluctant to one of your ideas, understand that they might be struggling with that particular thing.
So on a camping trip if we are suddenly eager to return home before nightfall. Please understand that we might have trouble with sleeping outdoors or in a tent. This may be something not everyone struggles with but it might be a legitimate struggle for us.
If we are dating. You are very special to us.
As an introvert when we date the process itself is an herculean task for us. Going out on dates with a person we barely know is tough for us. And after jumping through all the hoops of dating when we get serious about a person then it is very special for us.
When an introvert is going out on dates with you and they are making the effort to send time with you then it means that they are into you totally. For an introvert getting comfortable with a new person is tough and the fact that they are making that effort says a lot about their commitment to the relationship.
They might not say it but if you are dating an introvert then you mean everything to them. And the relationship is extremely valuable.
So if you are dating an introvert keep these general points in your minds. This will help you in understanding introverts in general and also help in deciphering their behavior which may seem counter intuitive at times.